She looks young, barely 20. Fair, soft skin. Petite, yet voluptuous in all the right places. Best bang for my buck. Today was turning out to go the distance. As I looked down at her naked body, ready, she asked me ‘Is it OK if I’m on the phone while you do it?’
She smiled, gratefully. I put myself in her and started to fuck her. She is still talking, I can’t hear what she’s saying. Then I hear her moaning. She’s still on the phone!!! Oh fuck. I grunt. As I thrust into her. Who is she talking to? She smiles at me. She moans. She smiles in between. Who is she talking to?
What if she’s talking to another guy? Does he know I’m fucking her? Obviously he would. She’s fucking moaning into the phone. What is he thinking? What if he…? What if…
What if he cant hear me and thinks she’s having phone sex with him?
So I fucked her, harder and harder for him. For him, the person on the other line listening to this woman. Was it a man? Who cares? I banged her harder to get the other person on the phone off. Is she getting paid for that too? Will I get paid for that?
I can go on, but some things are better kept a secret
If, Stoned + x = Awesome x infinity
What is x?
A. Progressive Metal
B. Sausage Rolls
D. Your Brain
E. All of the Above
Please state your answers in the comment box below.
For you retards who don’t understand the above question, please be a dear, and go smoke some pot!
Prince of the Stoned Age
I was stuck in one. I made a lot of mistakes, and I paid for them. I have learnt a lesson. And I still know how to have a good time. Had to get off the drug for a very long time. I had to do it for my own good (apparently). But things are OK now and I think I’m back on track. Everything is so fly right now that I have a hard on for life. And I’ve been thinking hard. About life and everything that revolves around mine. Things come, things go, and people change. We just have to deal with the ups and downs. Our choices define who we are and I’m not ready to be limited to a definition. I thought I’ll go off on a tangent and fuck life in the ass. Spank it while I am it and watch it scream in mix of agony and bliss. That’s what life is about isn’t it? Just going off on a tangent and doing the things you want, rather than the things you are told to. Be who you want rather than who you are told to be. Life teaches us a lot of lessons. What’s sad is we forget many with the changing seasons and the changing colors of our ever changing perception.
Fuck perception. Fuck the rules. Fuck everything we are supposed to stand for. Rules were made to be broken, footsteps were meant to be erased. I don’t want anything in this life other than to live in peace. Live I will because I won’t bow down to every word I hear. I just want to let go and let go I will because I was never good at hanging on to anything worth holding on to. I don’t make sense to myself anymore and I don’t expect anyone else to understand me either. There’s a timeline for everything in life and I don’t intend to get closer to mine until I have abused my mind, body and soul to my maximum. I am my own god. I create my destiny.
All my fucked up thinking led me to a poem. Struggled with it, because I’m not so great at it. But thought I’ll post it for the fuck of it.
I don’t know man, I don’t think I should be thinking so much. Crisis aversion turned into Crisis Encouragement. Fuck it. I’m out. See you all on the other side sometime soon with a Stoned Age classic.
Got stoned again. Jeeez. And this is what I thought of..
iPada. its like music to your ears.. and something sinister in your nose. (If you are one of the lucky folk to be following me on Twitter you may see this. If you do ‘Say Yay’)
So there’s a new drug-induced blogger in the Kottuhood. By the name of err..Tripbot..ahem.. yes. He was sweet enough to leave a comment when he added me to his blogroll 🙂 And I also heard of some vivid looking bat fluttering around. must check out his blog also (Lajja nathi kuddos!!! Lol, peace homies :)) I’m just tripping.
Today was a bad roll, yet a good thought provoking (see above) session alone. I’m beginning to like smoking up alone much more. Gives a fella time to think. Its better than listening to others rant about politics, cricket, how drunk they were once etc, etc, etc and etc. Who needs unimportant shit like that, when life is about an inward bound journey to find yourself? Ane manda, Sarath.
I’m sleepy I don’t want to go on. Good night.
Choo karala budiyaganin….
Lying down on this cement floor. My ass cheeks kissing the floor reluctantly, as my balls in scream in protest. “Get up fool, have some respect, you are making me go bluuuuueeeee….”
Yes, my balls talk. But I can’t move. Instead, I lie in the place that I fell. I had too much. Fucking Charlie!
Now what’s different here is, I normally write a post about what I have done being stoned. Today I was thinking of what to write and I thought that maybe I should write something I haven’t done and then do it before I post. So, I planned to fuck myself up by smoking a big J alone. It’s a Saturday. It’s raining and I am at home bored. So I decided to make a big night of it. My idea for a big night alone, smoke a big one and lie down in the cold darkness, naked and alone and think.
Now this is what actually happened. So I rolled, I smoked. Had some trouble finding a light, and had to go to the gas cooker to light the damn thing, and it was a bit scary. I don’t like playing with fire, unless it’s metaphorical. After I was done, I took of my ‘Sexy’ Boxers and lay down on the cold cement floor of my room. It was so cold. Yet I did not want to move. And seriously, my balls were protesting.
So I lay there immobilized, slowly losing my motor skills and grinning into the darkness. This was liberating. Wish I was up on a ledge or something with the cold night air around me instead of the confines of my little room. I was playing music in the background. My favourite band, jamming it loud. Deffa stoner music, I tell you. It was amazing. All the intricate little details of the song were magnified and listening to it made my heart race. This is everything I had planned to do for the night. The next is when my mind took over my plans and decided to change them.
I couldn’t stay down much longer. Part of me wanted to get up and part of me just want to be the vegetable on the floor. I debated this for a long time. Long time because my mind started going haywire and I forgot about what decision I was taking and thought about other stuff. Like, what would happen if I died right now? How would my parents justify what I was doing in my final hours? What if I had a twin, would he be as awesome as me? Would he do the same things I do? That would be weird though.
Then I finally decided to get up when my favourite song was playing. It was as task and the world spun a bit, but I did get up. Now what do I do? I could feel the music in my veins, slowly talking over. The solemn guitar riffs and the thudding double bass were taking over my body. Everything that made them the best band in the world was taking over me. And then I began head-banging like crazy, like I have never before. In the dark, I couldn’t see shit. This was liberation at its ultimate. I cranked up the volume more and fucking banged like I was watching them live. Air guitar man, I was the air guitar god I nmy own little naked universe. And I gotta tell you, I was naked… my head wasn’t the only thing banging 😉
Disclaimer: This post is somewhat disjointed, for the sole reason that I was very ‘jointed’ when I wrote this.
Mundane was the life I lived when I had my first joint. Taking pleasure in short-lived fantasies, same old intoxications, madness and everything that I used to call life. Untouched by peer pressure, yet apprehensive of anything new. Change. Being just human. The colors that were, faded day by day. The world slowly became repetitive. Turning around on its own axis as it rotated around the sun, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. A mechanical slave. No chance of escape. Revolving, slowly, repetitively. Every day.
That was when I had my first J. When my world had its back turned to the sun. I shut the door to the rotation, the repetition. Sick of the calm, I waited for the storm. I shut the door.
They say your world seems lighter.
Life was too clear. The light wasn’t dim enough. The fog filled up the space and my eyes relaxed. Was I ready for a new world? Tonight. New meaning? The vibe pulsated within my body as the smoke burnt my throat, taking shelter in my lungs.
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop; then what is a stoned mind?
A minute passed, maybe two. Or three?
Round 2. Another few puffs.
It was easier now. I could take it in more easily than before. The world was slower, slowing down until it stopped spinning. I opened my eyes, and the world ran to greet me.
They say it plays with your mind.
Wow! My body didn’t seem to belong to me, and the voice in my head was strange. It wasn’t me speaking. Or was it? Is this me? Then who was that voice that spoke to me all these years? The one that I always assumed to be my conscience. Was that the real stranger?
The pandemonium of thoughts began rushing into my head and blocking all pathways like something which rushes into something else and blocks all pathways. I can’t think of a good metaphor, frankly because I’m a little high right now and I can’t be bothered, but feel free to use your imagination. Please.
I was in my better place. I call it better, because I used to call another state a good place, and this is miles beyond. So there I am, enjoying the view, enjoying the conversation in the head, the thoughts and the very intriguing out of body experience. Listening to the voices in my head, made me realize I’m quite an interesting chap.
Now I had no control. I was just a leaf caught in the evening breeze. Fluttering, shimmering. A wave in the ocean, licking the sand, rippling away. Serenity and inner peace. These feelings make me wonder why this is illegal. The hippie in me said that weed would bring peace and love to the world. Goddamn faggot of a hippie. I shut him up. My head started bobbing to the smooth beat. Aqueous Transmission. Sending transmissions to outer space.
They say it’s a gateway drug.
The world came unglued. Solitary company and solitary independence. Just the way I like it. I found a new world within. A world which I will never deny from this moment on. A world to hide away, to escape the rotation, the repetition. A world with a less blinding, less scorching supernova. A world without deity where your thoughts are the only form of divination and you control them. A world which can be enjoyed, which is the best kind in case you didn’t know.
They say it’s not addictive.
A few years later, and here I am, a regular visitor to Supernova Land. Where the rides are free and thrills are infinite. Things have changed. I have put myself to the test. Failed first, then reached success. I have realized the potential of the person I am, stoned. The way my mind performs best when I am fighting gravity. The numbness to all things that don’t matter. Yes, things have changed for me; for the good, although some might disagree superficially.
How many more doors exist within? How many voices can I awaken? How many strangers would take shelter inside my mind? The ladder has more rungs left to climb. The city beneath me looks quiet, still, almost innocent. The way the world sees me through the looking glass into my soul. The glass which won’t reveal the conflict within. The way the world sees me, quiet, still and innocent.
They say it’s a gateway drug.
Damn right it is.
Every step I take is an effort. The noise is ringing in my ears and my head was swooning. I stumble across the sand and look at the strangers around me. They look hot. The girls I mean. I stumble some more. Wet sand in my slippers. I want to curse, but I forget the words. Did I just rhyme there? It’s a long walk before me. I think I’m lost. Where are my friends?
That hashish really did the trick. Rule Number 01. Never eat space cake right after smoking a whole lot of weed. Never. Wait, but then again, I haven’t felt this good in ages. So that leads to Rule Number 02, which is Forget Rule Number 01. If I could just find a place to sit and enjoy my high, that would be totally tits. I’m walking again, some guy bumps into me, sending me spinning. I’m too dazed to look around at him and I just start walking again. The area in front of me looks familiar. Didn’t I just pass that? I walk closer and look properly. Damn, I just passed that. How did I come back here? Am I walking around in circles?
DING! It clicks.
The guy I bumped into. He sent me spinning. I just started walking towards the direction that I was facing when I stopped spinning. Idiot. So I walk back. I’m like totally lost now. I’m super cereal. The lights are flashing before me, and I hear the good old music that I love from Paradise Ibiza. Or maybe it’s another Ibiza. Damn theme parties. I start dancing. Yeah this is the shit right here.
Dance to the beat and dance to the beat and dance to the … dance to the… dance to the…
Oh man I need a seat. Start walking again. Where are my friends? If I could just collapse here right now, that would be just amazing. I guess the water would wash over me, but I think I’ll still be happy. Should I? Should I just fall down here? No I would be a mess. I don’t want to wet my clothes. Plus I’m not feeling too well either.
The next thing I know I’m at our hotel again. Outside on a sun bed, listening to the waves in the darkness. Lights flash in front of my eyes. When I blink it’s only the darkness. My friends, I hear them murmuring around me. Conversations to which I prefer not being invited to. I’m the silent observer now. I’m in that state; the calm after the storm. When the high reaches the plateau, and there’s no more I can go (Damn, I rhymed again). The muscles relax and I ease myself backwards. I don’t want to talk I don’t want to move. I basically don’t want to be bothered at all. Let me live here in my own realm, listening to the voices in my head. Volleys of thoughts attack my brain, and I find it hard to keep track.
My head started to throb and I felt myself spinning. Everything became a blur. Even the sounds of the voices are blurred. This was the height of my confusion. Everything was muddled. This was a moment where I wanted to scream for the world to stop spinning so that I can see clearly, where I didn’t even know the questions to ask, to clarify my doubts, where everything became the darkest shade of black I have ever seen. It was at this height of confusion, that I started to understand everything. This was where the black leaked away and an orange glow embraced my eyes. This was a moment of comprehension. Like a new sun rose in the sky that was pitch black minutes ago. A pleasant surprise? A new dawn? Maybe it actually is…