I am Naked. I am Cold.
Lying down on this cement floor. My ass cheeks kissing the floor reluctantly, as my balls in scream in protest. “Get up fool, have some respect, you are making me go bluuuuueeeee….”
Yes, my balls talk. But I can’t move. Instead, I lie in the place that I fell. I had too much. Fucking Charlie!
Now what’s different here is, I normally write a post about what I have done being stoned. Today I was thinking of what to write and I thought that maybe I should write something I haven’t done and then do it before I post. So, I planned to fuck myself up by smoking a big J alone. It’s a Saturday. It’s raining and I am at home bored. So I decided to make a big night of it. My idea for a big night alone, smoke a big one and lie down in the cold darkness, naked and alone and think.
Now this is what actually happened. So I rolled, I smoked. Had some trouble finding a light, and had to go to the gas cooker to light the damn thing, and it was a bit scary. I don’t like playing with fire, unless it’s metaphorical. After I was done, I took of my ‘Sexy’ Boxers and lay down on the cold cement floor of my room. It was so cold. Yet I did not want to move. And seriously, my balls were protesting.
So I lay there immobilized, slowly losing my motor skills and grinning into the darkness. This was liberating. Wish I was up on a ledge or something with the cold night air around me instead of the confines of my little room. I was playing music in the background. My favourite band, jamming it loud. Deffa stoner music, I tell you. It was amazing. All the intricate little details of the song were magnified and listening to it made my heart race. This is everything I had planned to do for the night. The next is when my mind took over my plans and decided to change them.
I couldn’t stay down much longer. Part of me wanted to get up and part of me just want to be the vegetable on the floor. I debated this for a long time. Long time because my mind started going haywire and I forgot about what decision I was taking and thought about other stuff. Like, what would happen if I died right now? How would my parents justify what I was doing in my final hours? What if I had a twin, would he be as awesome as me? Would he do the same things I do? That would be weird though.
Then I finally decided to get up when my favourite song was playing. It was as task and the world spun a bit, but I did get up. Now what do I do? I could feel the music in my veins, slowly talking over. The solemn guitar riffs and the thudding double bass were taking over my body. Everything that made them the best band in the world was taking over me. And then I began head-banging like crazy, like I have never before. In the dark, I couldn’t see shit. This was liberation at its ultimate. I cranked up the volume more and fucking banged like I was watching them live. Air guitar man, I was the air guitar god I nmy own little naked universe. And I gotta tell you, I was naked… my head wasn’t the only thing banging 
Disclaimer: This post is somewhat disjointed, for the sole reason that I was very ‘jointed’ when I wrote this.
Tales from the High Side of Life I
Mundane was the life I lived when I had my first joint. Taking pleasure in short-lived fantasies, same old intoxications, madness and everything that I used to call life. Untouched by peer pressure, yet apprehensive of anything new. Change. Being just human. The colors that were, faded day by day. The world slowly became repetitive. Turning around on its own axis as it rotated around the sun, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. A mechanical slave. No chance of escape. Revolving, slowly, repetitively. Every day.
That was when I had my first J. When my world had its back turned to the sun. I shut the door to the rotation, the repetition. Sick of the calm, I waited for the storm. I shut the door.
They say your world seems lighter.
Life was too clear. The light wasn’t dim enough. The fog filled up the space and my eyes relaxed. Was I ready for a new world? Tonight. New meaning? The vibe pulsated within my body as the smoke burnt my throat, taking shelter in my lungs.
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop; then what is a stoned mind?
A minute passed, maybe two. Or three?
Round 2. Another few puffs.
It was easier now. I could take it in more easily than before. The world was slower, slowing down until it stopped spinning. I opened my eyes, and the world ran to greet me.
They say it plays with your mind.
Wow! My body didn’t seem to belong to me, and the voice in my head was strange. It wasn’t me speaking. Or was it? Is this me? Then who was that voice that spoke to me all these years? The one that I always assumed to be my conscience. Was that the real stranger?
The pandemonium of thoughts began rushing into my head and blocking all pathways like something which rushes into something else and blocks all pathways. I can’t think of a good metaphor, frankly because I’m a little high right now and I can’t be bothered, but feel free to use your imagination. Please.
I was in my better place. I call it better, because I used to call another state a good place, and this is miles beyond. So there I am, enjoying the view, enjoying the conversation in the head, the thoughts and the very intriguing out of body experience. Listening to the voices in my head, made me realize I’m quite an interesting chap.
Now I had no control. I was just a leaf caught in the evening breeze. Fluttering, shimmering. A wave in the ocean, licking the sand, rippling away. Serenity and inner peace. These feelings make me wonder why this is illegal. The hippie in me said that weed would bring peace and love to the world. Goddamn faggot of a hippie. I shut him up. My head started bobbing to the smooth beat. Aqueous Transmission. Sending transmissions to outer space.
They say it’s a gateway drug.
The world came unglued. Solitary company and solitary independence. Just the way I like it. I found a new world within. A world which I will never deny from this moment on. A world to hide away, to escape the rotation, the repetition. A world with a less blinding, less scorching supernova. A world without deity where your thoughts are the only form of divination and you control them. A world which can be enjoyed, which is the best kind in case you didn’t know.
They say it’s not addictive.
A few years later, and here I am, a regular visitor to Supernova Land. Where the rides are free and thrills are infinite. Things have changed. I have put myself to the test. Failed first, then reached success. I have realized the potential of the person I am, stoned. The way my mind performs best when I am fighting gravity. The numbness to all things that don’t matter. Yes, things have changed for me; for the good, although some might disagree superficially.
How many more doors exist within? How many voices can I awaken? How many strangers would take shelter inside my mind? The ladder has more rungs left to climb. The city beneath me looks quiet, still, almost innocent. The way the world sees me through the looking glass into my soul. The glass which won’t reveal the conflict within. The way the world sees me, quiet, still and innocent.
They say it’s a gateway drug.
Damn right it is.
Jacobino
Every step I take is an effort. The noise is ringing in my ears and my head was swooning. I stumble across the sand and look at the strangers around me. They look hot. The girls I mean. I stumble some more. Wet sand in my slippers. I want to curse, but I forget the words. Did I just rhyme there? It’s a long walk before me. I think I’m lost. Where are my friends?
That hashish really did the trick. Rule Number 01. Never eat space cake right after smoking a whole lot of weed. Never. Wait, but then again, I haven’t felt this good in ages. So that leads to Rule Number 02, which is Forget Rule Number 01. If I could just find a place to sit and enjoy my high, that would be totally tits. I’m walking again, some guy bumps into me, sending me spinning. I’m too dazed to look around at him and I just start walking again. The area in front of me looks familiar. Didn’t I just pass that? I walk closer and look properly. Damn, I just passed that. How did I come back here? Am I walking around in circles?
DING! It clicks.
The guy I bumped into. He sent me spinning. I just started walking towards the direction that I was facing when I stopped spinning. Idiot. So I walk back. I’m like totally lost now. I’m super cereal. The lights are flashing before me, and I hear the good old music that I love from Paradise Ibiza. Or maybe it’s another Ibiza. Damn theme parties. I start dancing. Yeah this is the shit right here.
Dance to the beat and dance to the beat and dance to the … dance to the… dance to the…
Oh man I need a seat. Start walking again. Where are my friends? If I could just collapse here right now, that would be just amazing. I guess the water would wash over me, but I think I’ll still be happy. Should I? Should I just fall down here? No I would be a mess. I don’t want to wet my clothes. Plus I’m not feeling too well either.
The next thing I know I’m at our hotel again. Outside on a sun bed, listening to the waves in the darkness. Lights flash in front of my eyes. When I blink it’s only the darkness. My friends, I hear them murmuring around me. Conversations to which I prefer not being invited to. I’m the silent observer now. I’m in that state; the calm after the storm. When the high reaches the plateau, and there’s no more I can go (Damn, I rhymed again). The muscles relax and I ease myself backwards. I don’t want to talk I don’t want to move. I basically don’t want to be bothered at all. Let me live here in my own realm, listening to the voices in my head. Volleys of thoughts attack my brain, and I find it hard to keep track.
My head started to throb and I felt myself spinning. Everything became a blur. Even the sounds of the voices are blurred. This was the height of my confusion. Everything was muddled. This was a moment where I wanted to scream for the world to stop spinning so that I can see clearly, where I didn’t even know the questions to ask, to clarify my doubts, where everything became the darkest shade of black I have ever seen. It was at this height of confusion, that I started to understand everything. This was where the black leaked away and an orange glow embraced my eyes. This was a moment of comprehension. Like a new sun rose in the sky that was pitch black minutes ago. A pleasant surprise? A new dawn? Maybe it actually is…
Remember the Good Guy
It was a stressful week. End of day Friday, I was itching to get out and chill, hopefully with some weed. First option was a nearby friend. Hit his joint and the fucker wasn’t home. Next option, I called my friends and asked them to go out for a quiet drive, a meal and a chat. I just needed the relaxation, and right now a J was optional. Getting out was compulsory. Met up with a brother and was chatting when I popped in the idea of a J. I didn’t expect him to be game, but he was and from there began the search for the good stuff.
A walk down the lane, a few three wheel buggers, a short drive, a creepy neighborhood and three hundred bucks later, we got the shit in our pockets and were cruising around looking for a place to roll. This city is bullshit. There is no place a brother could stop his vehicle and roll his J in peace. So as a last resort, we went back to my friends place, locked ourselves in the room and started rolling rolling rolling. Three beautiful ones, with the last one a bit askew, but who gives a fuck?
Now for a place. To smoke up. Off Kirimandala Mawatha, in another mawatha. Tiny lane by the lake. We found a dark spot with a tree and started the fire. It was good and the aftertaste was just pure aawesomeness. It had been awhile and it was well worth it. Soon we were joined by another brother from another mother and the circle began. We were slightly wary because the area was dodgy and we kept our eye out for the cops. When the second J started and we were buzzing like fuck, light shone in the distance. All three of us acted like we were peeing into the lake (Go figure). And guess who it was? A fucking cop. He stopped, looked at us and then just rode off.
OMFG!
Thanking our lucky stars we headed off to a famous and happening place to smoke up the rest. Smoked up the rest outside and went in. Dressed in shorts and slippers we looked totally out of place with the ‘hip clubbing crowd’. The place was just swarming with hot chick after hot chick. Everyone was so forward and their eyes told that they were looking to get some tonight. I’m ready to get some too. I wondered where these women were when I was single. Where the fuck were they hiding? What rock did I live under? With a constant hard on I made my way through the crowd checking out the walking pussies. The J was getting to me and I was thinking from my little brain now. Everything in my body urged me to grab onto some piece of skin. But I stopped myself. I have a chick. Back home.
Remember the good guy. I said to myself. Don’t let him runaway and hide. Remember the good guy. Don’t touch anyone. Be good. Remember the good guy.
I fought a battle beneath myself. A classic battle between good and evil, saint and sinner. The battle I fight each time my weak mind falls. Every time that I get turned on by things that I can’t get. Every time I get turned on by the challenge, the battle starts. And man is it not difficult, to fight yourself? You are fighting you, who knows everything about you. To, top it all off, you are stoned and you can take advantage of you. Everything can go so wrong. My brain wanted to give up on this losing battle. I wanted to give into temptation. The night was too good to let go. Everything seemed carefree. Everything was so…
Remember the good guy.
I did.
After what seemed like hours of torture, I came out of the joint frustrated than ever. Oh man I needed to get some. It was late, I was stoned hence I thought it’s a good idea to call my chick to see how she’s doing. I dialed her number. Watched it being displayed on my phone….
Calling Dad.
Kept phone to ear and in my most sultry voice, I said
‘Hey sexxxxy…..’
Dad: Putha??
Ah!
It’s Been Awhile
As she came out of the bathroom I was sprawled on the sofa with my cock out. She came over to me, and took it in her hands as she got on top of me. She kissed me fiercely letting out all the lust that we had suppressed in the presence of the other buggers. I was drunk and stoned as fuck and her mouth in mine while my dick being pulled was an amazing combination of a feeling.
I was feeling extra wild, thanks to the intoxication. I grabbed her ass and slapped it as she took me by my hair and pushed my head against her breasts. I moaned loudly with her, hoping the others wouldn’t hear us in the room. I let myself get lost in her goddess breasts for a while and then pushed her back onto the sofa. As she fell on her back I grabbed her legs and raised them. There she was looking at me with those innocent eyes full of lust, her legs wide open and her hands caressing my chest.
Our choices were limited as we couldn’t get fully naked. That’s the downside of hanging out at a friend’s house with your chick and getting horny after a couple of J’s and vodka. Yet you had to make the most out of the few minutes you escape to when you excuse yourself to show her the washroom so she could pee.
I let my lips break into her mouth and attacked her tongue with mine. My hormones were flying fucking high. I looked her in the eye and told her to suck it. She looked at me doubtfully, yet nodded. None of our actions were questioned by each other as we gave into each fleeting whim. She took it in her mouth as I grabbed her by the hair and gasped “Take it all in baby, take it all in”.
She obeyed, like the good little girl she was. I tilted my head back in satisfaction and grinned at the ceiling as I penetrated her purty lips. Her tongue worked wonders and it was so fucking good. She took it out and grabbed my head and kissed me hard again. Her mouth had a new ambiance to it. I tasted my dick in her mouth.
I can’t describe the taste, only that it wasn’t gross. In my stupor, I enjoyed tasting my own dick.
The Bad Touch
I searched a city for you
I walked so long to find you
I pined for you with every step
You were in the arms of someone else
For a price I was willing to take you
For that price he was willing too
He realized how much I needed thee
From the way I held you close to me
I took you home and hid you in the darkness
Safe from the world deep inside my closet
Waiting for later when I could take you outside
And relate to you while we walk into the light
When the world wasn’t watching
I opened the door
I took you out and crushed you
Into a million little pieces
You gave into me, smiling away
Making me wanting you more
I sprinkled your soul on a white veil
I rolled you up and set fire to your head
And as you burnt you smiled within
Because you knew a secret that I didn’t
And then I realized in moments
That something was wrong
You were the worst fucking weed
That I had smoked in so long
You didn’t taste good at all
And you didn’t even lift me up
You made me cough
You truly fucked me up
Now I’m fucking pissed
And all I got to say is this
Your friend I had last week
Was so much better than you bitch
Call 119! We Need Some Weed on the Blogosphere…
I really didn’t want to taint my blog by getting into the utter bullshit going around on Kottu, but I just had to say something while being in the higher realms of life. So here’s what I think of this not so little blog war that has been stewing.
First of all, people have got to chill. And maybe smoke up a little. We needs to get high because there is too much hate in this atmosphere and its getting kinda hard to breathe. First it was the whole Nibras Bawa experience with him showing his true colours and what an ugly little rainbow they make. Stooping to low levels no one thought existed. I was shocked when I saw his controversial post. Then I smoked some weed and I was ok.
Then along came PassionatelyPatient who I am ashamed to say I actually enjoyed reading in the beginning. She jumped the bandwagon and pulled a fucking Nibras on the whole blogosphere. And all I can ask is why? You know PP, at the end of the day, clicks are not that important, it’s just a number that you place on your blog, preferably on the very top to show how popular you are. Still no one else really gives a shit. We all blog for a common reason. To express our thoughts and ideas. Some have anonymity issues and some don’t. It’s each to his/her own. So yes basically I was very shocked with this too. So I smoked some weed and I was ok once more.
Now I’m just lazing around enjoying my high and reading the storm of comments coming in and feeling sorry for the Sri Lankan blog world. I wish I had a huge bag of weed to share with these sad souls. Damn, I think it would ease the tension. People need to just chillax and back the fuck down. It’s getting way too personal in here.
PP, life is good, you should get one. And yes there is cure for A.D.D
NB, here’s a fart, no wait, here’s a weed burp go chase it. Get high.
Catch me if you can..
Weedburp
There was trance music pumping on the sound system. The TV was on, turned to Zee Café, the only watchable channel available. The room was filled with the smell of fresh weed, as five guys smoked their way into infinity. We danced, we had interesting stoner talk (interesting for stoners that is), I don’t know if it would be utter stupidity for sober people. We watched the tube for a bit, laughing at Jay Leno and the Friends. It was good. A good way to spend the holidays; smoking up with friends in a faraway place. That’s the way to go.
Our conversation hit highs and then they hit lows. Arguments were formed, laughter was natural, and idiots were hounded, including me. Then everything went quiet, as we reached the plateau and switched to auto pilot mood. Letting the environment take its toll, I sat back and relaxed my tired muscles, watching my friends’ stoned behavior. It was enjoyable to watch. My mind went through a volley of thoughts and then suddenly I burped.
Loud and clear over the noise that was in the room.
Everyone looked at me and laughed. But the best thing was that when I burped 2 puffs of smoke rushed out of my mouth. It was a good 20 minutes after I had my last joint, and here I am burping smoke. I don’t know if its normal, but I was a weedburp virgin. Until I lost it on that beautiful night in a hotel room with four other guys. Don’t sound too good when I say it like that huh? Kinda demeans my sexual orientation, if I should say so myself.
I started laughing, my friends hadn’t seen the smoke but they were laughing for no reason. They were stoned, don’t judge them. I tasted the nice ganja with that burp, and the smoke coming out was just an amusing experience. I tried to burp again, but couldn’t get it done.
When I told my friends they didn’t believe me, but I was like DUDES, ITS FUCKING TRUE!
Believe that.
(Burp)
Oh yeah, almost forgot, Subha Aluth Avruddak Weva, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Phone Sex on Bad Connections
I was hammered proper yesterday, and I think I have mentioned that I get fucking horny when I am stoned. Yes I do, I don’t know if this is a regular symptom of being stoned but I get really horny. So I was home, with a hard on wondering what to do, when my girlfriend called me. So I spoke to her in a voice filled with so many hormones that instantly she got horny too. How good am I huh? In a flash I was on the bed, ready for some phone sex.
Now I will not go into details on the sex because you know that would be wrong, but I will tell you what happened during it. So we are doing it and we are totally into it. I get really graphic with my imagination of the situation as I relate what I am gonna do to her. And suddenly the line goes dead. Yes it just got cut. Fucking hell, I was so pissed off, but I didn’t’ waste any time calling her back as I didn’t want to lose any wood.
So I called her back and apparently she didn’t know why it got cut, so it had to be the service provider. We got back to what we were doing again and it was in full swing. Our voices getting heavier as we went along, getting closer and closer to the climax. We were both very close and I told her ok this is it. I’m almost arriving! And then she started her real smooth talk, the final bit which I love the most. She’s so good at it. I was almost there…
And suddenly the line goes dead again, and I’m left pulling on myself while listening to the fucking dial tone. It was too late to stop and I just went on and I finished my job. It was satisfying yet I came to the sound of a dial tone. Fucking Tigo, it this how I should express myself you bloody cocksuckers? It’s either you guys or the people who say they care always. Oh really? So you cut the lines in the middle of a very hot phone sex session because you care huh? Oh thanks so much for that.
Play by Play
Oh he’s holding up a J for me. It’s nice to see someone holding up a J just as you walk into a room. Such a blessed Friday. 15 minutes ago when I was leaving the room he was rolling one. Looks like he has rolled two, because there’s one in his hand too. Hmm good thinking. Bravo fella, you never fail to amaze me.
Ah there’s the seat. I think I’ll sit down right over here. That way I can see the TV.
Hmm feels good. I’m tired and this will do … oh… I forgot to get the lighter. Ah OK got it. Feels good. OK now hold it close to the J, keep it firm in the mouth.. and there.. ah light up! OK now it’s just about leaning back and cruising. Mmm this is good. Good shit. I like good shit. And it’s all mine because he’s smoking up the other one right now. Personal J’s. Ahh personal J’s. Has such a nice ring to it.
Hehe. Hehehe. Hehe.
Why do I have to watch a bloody rugby match while tripping. I like rugby, just not when I wanna trip. Shit can’t tell him to switch also, so into the game. Hmm shape shape. Loku ekage aasawa ne. I’ll just roll with it.
Time for another puff. Wait how many puffs did I take for now? Because I think I can see the good place up yonder. Ah yes there it is, my island in the sun, with a shady place for me to trip in. Because I don’t think I’d love to be burnt by the sun right about now because I’m really tired ne, that’s why.
I like my TGIF getaways. Right after work I hit the herb. Just to clear my head off a week’s worth of corporate bullshit. Project management, time management, marketing tips and all this unwanted crap. Damn people where’s the fun in life huh? What happened to just winging it? I think we all need to just stop, and take a chill pill. Fuck work, I mean fuck it right? This shit keeps me sane, when the crazy work bullshit piles up, it’s really hard to live. Damn this shit is good.
I should get the ashtray onto my lap, so I don’t have to lean forward each time I try to ash the thing. Ahh now all I have to is just look straight ahead pretending to myself that I’m interested in a rugby match where two teams of big burly men, scramble for a ball. Guys, did you notice that the ball is odd shaped? You did, oh ok just checking. Carry on.
Why the hell do these people who go to watch games, wave at the screen when they see the camera being pointed at them? I mean we can see them facing somewhere else and waving right? You idiots its over here. The camera is over here. Wave at the camera! Bloody retards. Err.. am I making sense?
Fuck, the last bits of the J, must drag it in carefully. Wait, must put some spit around it. To slow the burning. Ah there you go, my baby, there you go. Shit that bugger’s smoking at a rate. Man, he’s is almost over. Bloody hell. Oh wait mine is almost over. Oh wait I just noticed that a moment ago, ne. Tsk tsk.
Woah what if when I get high, I suddenly start to become afraid of heights? What’s gonna happen to me then? Shit, I shall not look down then. It will make me dizzy, and that not something I want when I’m airborne.
Oh, my mind’s starting to talk bullshit. I think I’m just about getting stoned. Start the tripping, yo!
